No, Motherhood Doesn’t Take Away Your Friends

When we become mothers, many things change. It is a beautiful time, but also sad, because many times we find that there are people who are not up to the task.  There are people who we thought were going to accompany us at this stage, but who choose to get away from us. Sometimes we blame our new situation, but this is not always the case. Motherhood does not take away friendships: it makes the ones that are worthwhile remain.

We must also bear in mind that we have to do our part. In most cases, the fault is not just one of those involved. In our new role as mothers, we may have neglected people who have always supported us.

Perhaps we are the ones who have distanced themselves, or the ones who have generated some misunderstanding. Or maybe those we called friends just aren’t so friendly.

What can I do to get my friends back?

If you think that you are the cause of the distancing, do not be overwhelmed. The important thing is to be aware of the errors and try to fix them. To do this, try to reconnect with your friends and invite them to be part of your child’s life.

Apologize

It is a sensible way to take responsibility. If you think you’ve hurt someone’s feelings, apologize. Accept that you may not have done well and show that you are still the same. When friendship is true, the other person knows how to forgive.

Show interest in them

Show that you are not a self-centered person and ask them how everything is going. You are not the only person with problems in the world. Try to support and listen to them, and be interested. Nobody likes people who only care about themselves.

 Don’t be monothematic

Life is not just talking about diapers and bottles. It’s okay to tell them about your baby, but don’t always monopolize the conversation. If you always talk about yourself and the child, they will get tired. Motherhood does not mean putting aside your other vital interests.

Try to involve them in your child’s life

Invite them to participate in the child’s life. Friends are often the family that one chooses, since the biological one cannot or does not want to be there. Some children have their parents’ best friends as godparents, and they love them as if they were their own uncles. Also, who better to take care of your child if something happens than someone you trust one hundred percent?

Stay connected

Today, thanks to the Internet and social networks, it is very difficult to lose contact. Keep talking to your friends whenever you can, tell them your progress and witness theirs. You don’t have to stay connected all day, but you do have to stay connected all day long enough to be informed of the latest news. It doesn’t matter if they are near or far, you can always count on them.

 When motherhood doesn’t change you, but it does change others

If it is the others who walk away and you know that your performance has been correct, rejoice. Life has taken very toxic people out of your way, who have only moved with you out of interest. You have the right to feel disappointed and sad, but don’t think about it too much. We must know how to recognize people who do not suit us, and get away from them as much as possible.

Some traits of toxic people

• They don’t care about you or the baby. They never ask about your health or offer their help.
• They are hypocrites. Sometimes they pretend to worry, but when you need them they are never there.
• They lie to you.
• Whenever you invite them to your child’s event, they find excuses not to go.
• They pick up the phone or read your messages only when they are interested.
• They make you feel lonely and isolated.
• They are criticizing you all the time. They don’t understand that your priorities are no longer the same.

If you know someone close to you who behaves that way, walk away. It is not to be trusted, nor does it deserve to be in your life. Take advantage of this new stage, in which you have the opportunity to meet new people, many of them in your situation.

Schools, parks, and nurseries are a good place to meet other mothers, as well as stay up-to-date on your child’s life. You can also sign up for associations, courses and groups with your same interests.